Climbing High

Love this:

Mini fridge,

These

Messages

Of affirmation

All over the walls.

Watch me climb

As high as I need to

To find

The truth there

Floating around in

The fresher air.

Tell me what happens

And where do

We go

When everything

Changes in

All of the halls?

Just keep climbing

Higher and higher

Because

Something is

There, 

I swear.

So, What's The Hardest Part?

Facing this:

The hardest part.

This

Having nothing

To hide behind.

This

Reality

Lurking

Behind so many

Curtains.

This room

Without me

Looms.

I want

To live forever,

Is that

Too much

To ask?

When I can't speak,

Here's what I need:

Wait for me in

Conversation.

Slow down.

Ask me questions 

Then give me time

 Don't jump

Ahead. 

Stay with me.

Understand that it's

Lonely

Being misunderstood,

So just be

With me 

 

 

All these fricken linens

And all these fucking chucks

They're compounding

It's astounding

Everything running amok

Pooping with an audience?

Try being that audience

And passing out is not allowed

Trust me,

I've tried 

Part of my job

Is to swab

From their nostrils

To their brains,

Rearranging what's inside

Somehow, they survived.

Somehow, so did I.

I love what I do

But contending with

The fucking chucks

The indecision,

The fricken linens

Nose swabs

Poop blobs...

Take me somewhere else!

Before the dawn, she

Waits to give fist bumps, high fives

"Glad you're feeling better."

I'm So Mad

Sleeping for hours

Then grief for days.

I am powerless

To stop these

Changes. 

Turn the heat over

So it can thrive,

I say as the heat

Makes me super alive.

 

Overridden

 Don't ask

For consent

Stay on task

Do what's meant.

Tick the boxes 

Take my safety

Force me to transfer

Then leave me in agony.

Is it that important

To do everything you came for?

Does my pain matter at all

Anymore?

Now I spend all day

Recovering stamina

Pushed beyond

My limits first.

Can I ride out muscles

Tensing

When everything hurts?

Don't tell me PTs

Aren't damaging

When I know

They are.

When I know them

Deeply

And I know many

Bear their scars.

Finding Myself

 Stuck in place

Pseudomomonas daze

I try to write in a world 

That's ever-changing.

Try to find my voice again

In this place that makes

Me voiceless.

Can I come back

From this black

Hole of nothing

To hope for something?

So let me find myself

Learn myself

Understand that this is a

New self.

Just as good

And worthy

As the old.

Things are changing

Rearranging 

I am 

Wordless

I am 

Draining

Energy

And time

Is caught

I need

To do the things I

Oh so carefully

Have 

Planned

But now it's now

And now I wonder

If and where

I'll

Ever

Land.