Climbing High

Love this:

Mini fridge,

These

Messages

Of affirmation

All over the walls.

Watch me climb

As high as I need to

To find

The truth there

Floating around in

The fresher air.

Tell me what happens

And where do

We go

When everything

Changes in

All of the halls?

Just keep climbing

Higher and higher

Because

Something is

There, 

I swear.

So, What's The Hardest Part?

Facing this:

The hardest part.

This

Having nothing

To hide behind.

This

Reality

Lurking

Behind so many

Curtains.

This room

Without me

Looms.

I want

To live forever,

Is that

Too much

To ask?

When I can't speak,

Here's what I need:

Wait for me in

Conversation.

Slow down.

Ask me questions 

Then give me time

 Don't jump

Ahead. 

Stay with me.

Understand that it's

Lonely

Being misunderstood,

So just be

With me 

 

 

All these fricken linens

And all these fucking chucks

They're compounding

It's astounding

Everything running amok

Pooping with an audience?

Try being that audience

And passing out is not allowed

Trust me,

I've tried 

Part of my job

Is to swab

From their nostrils

To their brains,

Rearranging what's inside

Somehow, they survived.

Somehow, so did I.

I love what I do

But contending with

The fucking chucks

The indecision,

The fricken linens

Nose swabs

Poop blobs...

Take me somewhere else!

Before the dawn, she

Waits to give fist bumps, high fives

"Glad you're feeling better."

I'm So Mad

Sleeping for hours

Then grief for days.

I am powerless

To stop these

Changes. 

Turn the heat over

So it can thrive,

I say as the heat

Makes me super alive.

 

Overridden

 Don't ask

For consent

Stay on task

Do what's meant.

Tick the boxes 

Take my safety

Force me to transfer

Then leave me in agony.

Is it that important

To do everything you came for?

Does my pain matter at all

Anymore?

Now I spend all day

Recovering stamina

Pushed beyond

My limits first.

Can I ride out muscles

Tensing

When everything hurts?

Don't tell me PTs

Aren't damaging

When I know

They are.

When I know them

Deeply

And I know many

Bear their scars.

Finding Myself

 Stuck in place

Pseudomomonas daze

I try to write in a world 

That's ever-changing.

Try to find my voice again

In this place that makes

Me voiceless.

Can I come back

From this black

Hole of nothing

To hope for something?

So let me find myself

Learn myself

Understand that this is a

New self.

Just as good

And worthy

As the old.

Things are changing

Rearranging 

I am 

Wordless

I am 

Draining

Energy

And time

Is caught

I need

To do the things I

Oh so carefully

Have 

Planned

But now it's now

And now I wonder

If and where

I'll

Ever

Land.

Pandemic grown and

Five rooms deep

It's in between these walls

That keep

Me safe.

Invasion of the Spiders

Vacuum up the spiders

And spray them all away

We don't hate them

We just fear them

We need them not to stay

This is not your house, madam

Nor is it yours, good sir

So take your eight legs 

Somewhere else

Get on with living there

We don't love your largeness

Or your tendency to skitter

We would love it 

if you'd leave us

It's not that we are bitter

So today we spray a not-so-fond

Goodbye to all of you

With pre-pandemic vinegar spray

From Target -- try it -- it's delish

Then go live someplace new.

Journeys

We journey now

From warm to cold

From young to old

From shy to bold

We journey now

From wise to wiser

From honest to liar

From high to higher

We journey now

Not always for 

The 

Better

But the point

Is still

The journey

Letter

By

Letter

Different Fires

Sometimes my fire

Burns outside 

Emanating from me

Its heat scorching

And sometimes

My fire is internal

It's me, irritable

Unable to find calm.

Dragon Capabilities

I'm a dragon

Breathing 

Fire

I am a 

Furnace

I am

The 

Furthest

Thing

You can

Imagine

From

A scaled

And 

Walled-off

Creature

I am me

I'm not

Your

Teacher

Let me

Be here

Lay here

Stay here

Warm you

Or

Warn you

It's

All

Up

To you.

Open Destiny

Where most say

The end is

That's where I

Might begin

I want to see

What happens next

After the credits

Roll

But there's no hope

For that scope

When happy endings

Are what's in

So let us find

What we need

Elsewhere

Let us create

Our own space

Let's write our own

Damn stories

Where endings

Once took place

Unmet Needs

We look

For what we 

Find

We find

The things we

Need

We need

Just what we

Need

But 

Sometimes we

Look

Without

Finding

And

Need

Without ever

Receiving

Bracelet

When I get a new thing

And it wraps around me

I feel my coping rising

By 10 million points

It's why I say it's worth it

To buy if you can spend it

To try to by new coping

For these pandemic times

So I'll enjoy the smoothness

The colors and the newness

But I'll probably never chew this

Because it's not my thing

But bracelets hang and stay in place

On my wrist on all the days

And they are there when I need them

Whatever days may bring.

For a Taste of Fresher Air

Fresh air is just beyond us

Just outside a pane of glass

Our fence was knocked down

Yesterday, and all that jazz.

I haven't smelled the fresher air

In more days than I can count

Life is going "back to normal"

Yet so many of us can't get out.

We will lose our access

And it will be less safe

If face-to-face becomes the norm

And other regulations cave.

So let us keep on going

And stay in as we do

The life you save could be yours

But it could be someone else's too.

Plan Your Joy

When I hear the singers

Singing, 

It gets my imagination

Winging,

My own head, it starts

A-ringing

With music

Being made.

So plan your fun

And you plan your future

Planting seeds

Of joy to sprout

Then someday soon

You'll look back on it

And know your life

Was richer now.