Contradiction in Terms

Being disabled means
Connection
To community.
It is part of my identity.
It is part of what makes me
Me.
Being disabled means
Reaching out to tell others
That we are not alone.
It means listening to each other,
Being disabled means
Having to fight,
It means being an advocate.
It means not backing down.
It means being strong
When being disabled
Also means
Inherently
Being more vulnerable.
We must be both.
We have no choice.
Be connected.
Be you.
Reach out.
Listen.
Fight.
Advocate.
Do not back down.
Be strong
While you are also vulnerable.
A contradiction in terms,
And also a truth...
Also my truth,
And how I live
As a disabled woman.

Shifting Gears

Wheels are turning

Both in my head and 

On the ground

Because that is how I move -

 I am not wheelchair bound.

Back to a Love

It has been so long
Since I have cared -
Since I have dared -
To let my fingers
Do the speaking.
It is so easy
To let time pass
And think, alas,
This love is gone.
So, honey,
Let's move those
Poems somewhere else
Somewhere that's lacking
All the whistles and bells.
But moving the love
Doesn't make it unlovely.
Relocation doesn't
Remotely remove me
From my devotion to letters
To words and to poetry.
I need it like I need
So many great things.
So, let's start again
Let's see what this night brings.

What Happened When I Spoke Out About Damaging Disabled Representation in the Media

When you say,
"Reading about problematic representation is draining.
Just admit you like the show.  You'll be happier."

I hear,
"Just ignore it
Like I'm ignoring you."

When you say,
"This is the only show that has
This much disabled representation."

I hear,
"It's enough that you exist on television.
It doesn't matter if it's harmful."

When you say,
"We [able-bodied people] already said
Disabled people should speak for themselves."

I hear,
"Your voice
Doesn't matter."

When you say,
"You'e probably not going to get what you want
In terms of agency and disabled characters."

I hear,
"Disabled people
Don't have value."

When you say,
"I think it's absolutely fine to want more depth and love
For characters with disabilities, but you need to understand
That things grow slowly in that regard.
Bad representation still makes being disabled more,
You know...  Acceptable."

I hear,
"You
Are not acceptable."

When you say,
"This show should not be
The end all of representation problems...
Because it has better representation than any other show."

I hear,
"Don't blame a show
That harmfully stereotypes
Better
Than all the other shows."

I hear,
"Stop talking."

I hear,
"Close your mouth."

I hear,
"It's enough
That you exist around me."

I hear,
"It doesn't matter
That able people
Are representing you
Behind the scenes
And on the screen."

I hear,
"It doesn't matter
That we are the heroes.
That every single storyline that
A character like you possesses
Is steeped in condescention
And stereotypes.
That you always need helping
And saving,
Because someone like you could never
Help
Or save."

I hear,
"Be grateful for the able words
And the able actors
Portraying the disabled experience.
Be grateful that when a disabled character
Is actually played by a disabled actor,
All the able characters
Still
Speak
For them
And are praised for it."

Just like you
Are speaking for me now.
Art imitating life
Imitating art.
Who is praising you this week?

I hear
Because you won't let me speak.

I'm here
But is that enough?

I hear
But I am not heard.

You turn up the volume,
"Not another word."

One More Dance

Come to me
In the dark of night.
Tell me again
That you're all right.
Tell me again
That you're together
Whether or not
You can be seen.
Come to me
On the brightest day.
Sit with me
Help me find my way.
Sit with wisdom
And with patience
If, perchance,
This is what it seems.
Come to me
In the smallest moments.
Tell me
You've found happiness.
Tell me you're dancing
Somewhere out there
In her arms
And in my dreams.

Here and After

There is beauty
In your echo
Left behind
For us to hear.
There is comfort
Coming steady
In the everything
You are.
There is peace
In the distance
In knowing
What's waiting.
So whether you're
Nine or ten or
Eleven,
Whether age is
Just a
Number in heaven,
What truly matters is
The kind of ripples
You leave behind.
What matters is
The soul you find.
None of us and
All of us
Come out alive.
So let's,
As you have,
Make the most of the time.
Do what we can
So the best of us survives.

Defender

Take down your eagerness
To please - to be sensitive
Put up your forcefield
Build up your fences.
Take down the temptress
Of temper and just live
Breathe and believe
That you can defend this.
Who will stand up for him
If it's not you?
Isn't it the least
A person can do?

Awake to Dreaming

If only
I could dream you
Back
Into existence.
If only
I could conjure you
Simply by
Putting your name
Out into
The universe.
If only,
By doing
This very thing,
You could return
Here.
If only we could
See you,
Hear you,
Touch you,
Love you...
If only you could
Be you
Here
With us again...
In the meantime
I will dream of you...
In the meantime
I will conjure
Dancing
And rainbows...
And in the meantime
I will know
That you are
Where you are
Supposed to be.
Even and if only -
For now and too soon -
I will speak your name.
I will remember you.

Peanut

Nothing more
Exciting
Than a new
Little life
To look
Forward
To.
New little feet
And new little
Hands.
A new
Little
Person
To love
And to
Get
To know.

Unexpected Beauty

Even in
The midst of
So much darkness,
Beauty
Surrounds me.
It comes in
Various
Shapes and sizes
Like
My dad,
Like
Three
Amazing
Kids
That I
Was blessed
To care for
If only
For a time.
Sometimes
Beauty
Looks like
An unexpected
Visit.
Sometimes
It looks
Like a smile.
Sometimes,
It takes the
Shape of
An atomic
Turkey.
And sometimes
It is stopping
To listen
And pausing
To realize
That even
Amidst the pain,
Life
Looks pretty
Great.