Fellowship

It is beyond me
And beyond words
To really express
What it means
To be among
This unique group
Of friends.
Despite the fact that
Time has passed,
It doesn’t much matter
In the grand scheme
Of things,
Because
We are still
Close.

Stress

Life is bigger
Than me
Right now.
I am anxious
About this
New phase -
This new place
My life is headed.
I don’t feel ready,
But I know
I am.
And now I’m just
Praying
That everything
Works out.

Moving

Something new
Is about to happen,
And I am excited
And nervous.
I haven’t ever done
Anything like this
Before.
So I pray
That this
Will be okay
And I will succeed
At something.

Rush

In a hurry
Tonight
Because
Absent-mindedness
Took me over
Momentarily,
And I almost
Forgot.
I almost
Didn’t write
Down anything,
Though I always
Write something,
Even if it doesn’t
Amount to more
Than some words
On a page.
They are my words.
That is what’s important.

The Night Before

It’s the night before
A Savior came,
Born to a teenage girl.
The night before
Salvation came
Through a child for all the world.
The night before
The shepherds saw
The star light up the sky -
The night before
He took His first breath
And later, chose to die.
It’s the night before
Mary gave birth to a Son
Only to give Him up.
The night before
The Boy would grow
And one day drink the cup.
It’s the night before.
It’s Christmas Eve.

Tomorrow

Though it isn’t a
Sure thing,
I can still
Look forward to it.
Though I am not sure
What will happen
I can still
Walk in it.
Though something
Might come up
I can still
Make it.

Anticipation

There are times
Like now, for instance -
When I am
Excited
About
Things to come.
But
I am more
Excited
To give.
I wonder how long
This feeling will last,
And if I can
Hold onto it.

Different Sort

Usually
I get up early -
Or don’t sleep well,
But this year I did.
Strange thing.
Overall
This has been
A different sort of year,
And for that
I am
Grateful
Beyond anything
I could write down.

Resolving

It helps
In ways
I cannot name
To address
And readdress
The feelings I have.
It is the resolving
Of years-long
Issues
Through writing
And expression.

An Unexpected Gift

My words
And my pride
Are now on display -
But a private one.
I knew what I was getting
But ended up getting
So much more
Than I expected.
This is such a priceless
And unexpected
Gift.

Change

There is always
Something
Going on
Inside me.
Lately,
It’s been guilt,
And regret
And anxiety.
I hope that soon
The something
Going on is
More akin to
Peace
And satisfaction
And hope.

Not My Best

I’m not particularly inspired
For anything today,
Not for moving words
Or moving on.
Now that I’ve spoken
Everything I had to say,
There is nothing much left
To share about me.
Except that I feel unmotivated,
Uninspired, and
Unappealing -
Especially now.
As I waste my opportunity
To express whatever is
In my heart on
Useless downer words
That won’t do much of anything -
Or even be looked at again.
I hope tomorrow
I can bring more to the table
Than this.

Calmer Now

Sometimes
I just have to vent
But I’m calmer now.
Sometimes
I have to be heard.
Sometimes
I need to be held.
And
In some form,
And
At some time
I’ve had those things.
And the memory of it
Calms me somehow.
I’m grateful for feeling
Calmer now.

Season Of Giving; Season Of Grief

Today was spent thinking
Of others.
But I’ll admit that
I also
Thought of myself
And my own private
Grief
That falls with the snow.

Distant

Recent memory
Stretches into days,
Weeks, months,
And finally a year
Of absence.
Sweet faces
Of trial
Of strength
And of faith
Are now a
Sweet memory
Of an amazing
Time in life -
A passing time.
A need I can no longer
Fill.
But an experience -
Though distant -
That I can
Carry with me.

No Place So Far

No place so far
That I cannot be found
No pit so deep
That I cannot be rescued
No mindset so hopeless
That I cannot rise up
No secret so dark
That I wish it untold.
No place is so far
From love and acceptance
That I can’t be found
And restored once again
There is no place so far
From our Lord’s loving-kindness -
For Him to redeem us
He won’t need to strive.
There’s no place we can hide
Where He cannot find us -
No place so far from His
Marvelous grace.

Consideration

Life’s choices
Must be considered,
Pondered over
And deliberated
With care
And depth of thought.
For if we choose
To plunge recklessly
In one direction
In one moment
Of doubt
Of fear
Or of hopelessness,
We may thereby set a
Course of action
In motion
That
We never intended.
And that is why
It’s so important,
Before we act,
To consider.

What Is

Life is beautiful
When one can turn
Selfish ambition
Into
Selfless love.
Love is powerful
When one can transform
Undue pride
Into
Unmatched humility.
Self is acceptable
When one can transcend
What lies were believed
And
Become the truth you crave.

Breaking Out

I’ve stepped outside myself
At last.
I’m looking beyond my own
Needs,
And fulfilling the unspoken
Needs of others.
Not because I have to
But because I want to.
Because they didn’t ask.
Because they are quiet.
Because they hurt.
Because I hurt.
Because I can do something,
And as long as I can
Do something,
I will.

Heightened Awareness

Heart racing
Body shaking
Terror living
God forgiving
Friend calling
Mask falling
Mercy living
Prayers rising
More to come
But for now
Nothing else is
Needed.

About West Side Story

Feeling touched
By a story,
By a movie,
By a musical.
Watching a piece of culture,
Of history,
Of cinema -
And feeling fulfilled.
That in itself
Is a rarity these days;
Days of quick cuts
Of money,
And of classlessness.
It’s good to know
Shows of quality exist
And that they
Haven’t lost
Their magic.

The Mansion Doesn't Feel Like Mine

It’s not really a mansion
But it feels like one
Compared to the places
I was raised in.
Excess feels foreign
Though I’m no stranger
To indulgence.
Vacation souvenirs
Feel like too much,
When I can recall
Vacations being
Visits to see relatives.
I guess, deep down
I will remain a child
Of necessity, and of
Basic comforts…
And maybe,
Once in a while
Pay a visit to the mansion
That used to be
My home.

This Is A Day

When writing was fruitful.
When I was excited.
When I longed to be somewhere else.
When I was glad to be here.
When I was glad to be.

Overcoming

It feels exhilarating
To move past what I
Once might have
Misconstrued as
Insurmountable,
And achieve something.
Even if that something
Is viewed by others
As insignificant -
To me, it can remain
Significant,
And even if that
Achievement
Is one small step
In a much bigger
Picture.

Indecision

I don’t know
If I have
The ability
To go where I need to
To convey what I want to.
What I thought of as depth
Was really just scratching
The surface of what all
Was really there,
Waiting to be detected.
I want to go there,
Yet I don’t as well,
Because what story I weave
Is also a truth
Buried deep in me.
And times like this
I wish
It would just stay buried.

Falling Back

Regardless
Of knowing
Everything is fine,
A part of me
Still waits,
Still expects,
Still fears
That everything I know
Will no longer
Be.

In Anticipation Of November

Thoughts roam within me.
Opportunity looms before me.
I can’t wait to commit
Every word to paper.
This is a challenge
That I have faced -
An obstacle
That I have already
Overcome.
And if it’s possible
To taste victory twice,
I will.
I’m ready.

Autumn Vigil

When I breathe
There is
Awareness -
That of living.
When I listen
There is
Bereavement
In leaves blowing.
When I think
There is
Nothing -
So I won’t have to face
Everything.
But
As long as I live
There is
Hope.

Building Bridges

Love extends
Beyond distance
To bridge any gap
Between those who
Wish they were
Together.

Necessity

Thoughts
Bleed together.
Clarity
Is nonexistent.
Thoughts of loss.
Thoughts of joy.
Thoughts of
Purposelessness,
As I put my pen
To paper and
Write with no
Objective.
I write only
With the certainty
Of someone
Who needs to commit
Something to paper
Before
This day ends
And another
Begins.

Release

Healing and falling
Deserving and longing
Can't hold on to let go
Nothing left for me to show.
Don't know what I'm trying to say
But I'm grateful for the chance
To release this at the last
No pain left to hold me back
Understanding others lack
Found in unexpected form.
Shown what no one else could feel
Could this possibly be real
That someone else can feel my pain
That this can somehow break the chains
I've laid around my teenage years
Held them captive in my fear
Finally they are breaking.

Outside Of Peacetime

My life is a constantly
Changing, yet similar
Venture
In a constantly
Changing and degenerating
World.
I don’t feel safe,
And yet I am numb
To news of soldiers
From my country
Losing their lives to war.
Three years ago, I had
No idea what it was
Like to live in wartime.
Now I am all-too-familiar.
War numbs everyone.
Attack makes people
React without thought
To the loss.
And the chaos that has
Come upon us
Makes us want to hold
The children in our lives
Close -
For fear that we might
Lose them in a fight
They should have never
Had to fight.