Truth-tellers
No longer
Dwelling
In corners
Disbelieved.

Survivors
No longer caged--
Their honesty
Unleashed.

We believe.
We believe.
We believe.
We believe.

Forever,
We believe.

Ideas
How I love them
And the
Distractions
They bring.

So give me
All of them
And characters
And everything...

So I can control
Something
Somewhere.

A day
So busy
So full

Of chores
And candles
And laughter
And love

A day
Is a gift
Because
It's still
A day.

Love is groceries
Love is here
Love is with us
Love is near

We love love
And we love food
Feeding us
Is a whole mood

Thanks for boxes
And for friendship
Essentials from
An essential

Worker,
Person,
Human,
Friend.

Boxes
Full of groceries
What

I can't
Think beyond
What the fuck

Because there's
Birthday
And then
Basics

I can't
Tell you
How I'll
Take this

Amazing
Kind and
Selfless act

How can we
Ever
Pay you
Back?

We can do
Hard things.

In our own way
And
In our own time.

When your joy
Is shared
And enjoyed
And appreciated

It is so happy
To experience
Their experience
Vicariously

Appreciating
What
They're
Appreciating

(What you
Appreciate)

Replay
That shit
Four times
More times

Because there's
Never enough times
For talent
To be heard.

Let me tell you
Everything
About me

Everything ever
You have no
Business knowing

Because
I need something
And so

There goes privacy
There goes dignity
There goes

All of me
Written
In pages--

Just beginning
These stages
Of maybe

Possibly
Getting the things
I need.

Stress and joy
Adulting
With toys
Mixed in
To balance
Enjoyment
Not malice.

We must mix
The pain
And the pleasure
Responsibility
To treasure

Innocence
Lost to early
Expectation
Of maturity.

Celebrating
With tortillas
Penis-Greys
And all the
Media.

Friends times two
And Room
And blogging
It's called canning
Not called jarring.

Cards on whiteboards
Cards for real
Voldy contact
What's the deal?

Thousand Polos
Candles pending
Presents coming
Never ending.

This
Is
Thirty nine.

I don't know how
You can be so
Selective

So willfully
Ineffective

So reflexive
So anti-reflective

I don't know
What to say
Or how to change

Or even
If I
Should

After
Living breaking
My psyche, myself

In two
Is it me who
Needs to change

Or
Is it
You?

I dream you
Bribing me
Silent.

I dream you
Gaslighting
Him.

I dream you
Faking
That

You're
Good
Parents.

Fooling
Everyone.

Everyone
But
Us.

Make yourself up
We all do
Really

Taking bits
And pieces
From others
From experiences

From imprints
Of love
And of harm.

And if we're lucky
We have people
Who see us

And the way
We've painted
Ourselves

From bits
Of
Detritus.

If we're lucky
They see us
Rise.

Showing your
True colors

Being revealed
For who you are.

Not sure I like
What I see

(Meaning
I don't at all)

It's unnerving
Just how
Familiar

This
All
Is.

I feel duped
How was I
So stupid?

How did I
Get fooled

Like this

Twice?

Reaching out
Connecting
With community

Finding unity
Among each
Other

Shared
Experiences
Beyond color

(And also
Not ignoring
It)

Because
Identity is
Explicit

Love it,
Don't leave it.

We're here,
Believe it.

Unrealistic
It is not.

Harsh, maybe, yes
But realistic.

Even though
It's not

Real to you
Don't tell us

Our experience
Of parents

Is wrong.

Very up
In my head
Feeling gaslit
With the dread.

Reliving the past
Time machine set
To view only behind.

Show me the truth
And I'll try to advance us
Reasoning and giving
All the second chances.

How do I cope
With these similarities
Without feeling she
Got the best of me?

I feel on the verge
Of letting this go
Done with abuse
And nothing to show.

Sharing
About therapy

Laying oneself
Bare

As I dare
To explore
This.

To delve
Not ignore
This.

How often
And why

(And many other
Questions)

Must I
Rehash

The awfulness
Of home

To get what I
Need

To get in life
To live

And be
Safe?

Let me
Brace myself
Erase myself
Debase myself

That's what you want,
Isn't it?
For me
To cease to be?

To exist
As a reflection
So you can
Persist?

Please
Release me
Let me
Resist you

So I can
Become
Someone more
Than you made
Me.

Accomplishment
Is celebrated
Here.

We are happy
We are proud
We have done
Things

And we
Are worthy
Of being
Celebrated.

Light up the night
Around you.

Signal for
Backup

Or love
Or I see you.

Use light
In our everyday

Life to illuminate
What's in our hearts

And what is
Innate.

Do what you can
Say no when you
Can't

Know we understand
And don't judge you
For that.

Know you are loved
In your very own
Skin

You don't need to
Change
A bit to fit in

So be who you are
And know we are
Here

We see you
We love you
We hope this
Is clear.

When there is
So little
We can do

(Against a
Worldwide
Pandemic--

Against structural
And societal
Racism)

We strive
To do what
We can

(What we must)

To help each
Other.

To take care
Of each other.

In the current
State of things.

Is it
Running away
Really

When you tell us
We don't have a
Room here anymore--

When you say:
"Get out
And stay out."

Is it on us
That you took

Our room
Our safety
Our brother

Or
Was it
You?

Wincing
Aching
Old pain
Quaking.

"Are you better?"
(Better than what?)

Am I worse?
Do I not measure up?

Am I
Not enough?

This human
Thing is hard
When I don't know
How to human.

This hurts--

This inaugural
Question
In our friendship

Does not
Bode well.

I am here
And I am growing
I am the most
Imperfect
Form of me.

But I am learning
Changing, knowing
That
I cannot stay
The same.

There is betterness
Within me yet.

I see it.

I believe.

So fan its flame
And grow it
Make mistakes
And know it
Means

Come back.

Try again.

For the sake
Of those
I love.

Dear 3-year-old me,

You are braver
Than you should
Have to be.

Trauma
Mislabeled
As bravery.

(Because
Correction:
You were traumatized--
Without proper coping-skills--
They called it resilience
To let themselves
Off the hook.)

I wish I could
Hold you
Comfort you
Love you
Stop them
From hurting you

Because you are
Enough
Just as you are.

Love,
Big Toni

Words
Cannot only be words
They must be
Backed up
By actions.

Without action
Words are empty
Gestures.

We cannot be
Constantly
Grateful
For nothing
But crumbs
Of dignity
And respect

And yet
We are.

It's circular.

We don't
Get it.

And we don't
Think
We should
Because
We don't.

Ignore us--

Ignore those
Who aren't

Important enough
For your cause.

You tried
(Once?  Ever?)

Such an ally,
Right?

You aren't an
Ally

Because you call
Yourself one.

We are the ones
Who make
That determination.

Allyship
Is not a one-
Time
Act.