Time flying
Tuning in
Watching movies
Wearing thin.

Staying in
Extended time
I am yours
And you are yours.

We are not responsible
For kids safety or
For each other's
Medical needs

But
We
Were.

I was not
Being babied.
It was an act
Of protection
Against what
We knew
Would come.

But consent
Can we withdrawn
At any time
Because
Of the
Human stuff.

Memories
Of a sort--

Of a conflicting
Sort--

Of an uplifting
Sort.

Of a distant
Sort

Of a close-up
Sort.

Seeing these
So

Differently.

Definitely.

Isolation?
Using children?
Nothing's off-limits
For narcissists.

We do our best

(I can't even write that
Without it feeling
Like a cop out...)

But there's only
So much
We can do.

Frustrating.
Demeaning.
Losing.

The damage is
Lasting
And done.

Don your mask
Your plastic
And yourself
For your journey
To the mailbox.

(Yes, this is the state
Of things.)

A return to salt
And peanut butter
It's some consolation

As I struggle
With my lack
Of cold brew.

But I'll make due
As I do,
Knowing the Snickers

Will eventually
Come
From New Jersey.

Try again
To feed ourselves
To nourish
Not deplete ourselves.

Try again
To see ourselves
To be there
And to free ourselves.

Try again
Affirm ourselves
To learn ourselves
Not burn ourselves.

Try again
We are worthy
We are worth this
We can do this.

(Oh, this old thing?)
Yes,
Why yes,
We can.

Connection
Reflection
Honesty
Do you
See me?

The question
We're all asking
Unmask us
Ask us
How are we?

Can we
Believe
Be
See
Each other?

Reach out
And share
And talk
And know
You're seen
Now.

Holding out hope
For new bread.

Excited

For question-answering
And blog-posting
And remembering
Camp and memories
So treasured
And finally

Documented.

Today was a sleeping
Late day.

Bride Tribe came out
To the candle house
Because Brandon's
Nuptials, as Tara
Would say.

Late writing
But feeling better.
Macaroni and cheese
Day.

Yum.

Candles have a new home
I'm eating new bread
We're being read a new book
New thoughts are in my head

Like what the heck
Is up with my uterus
Being the rudest
To me
So unexpectedly?

But there is also
Writing.  And reading.
And Netflix.
And the Worthingtons --
To remind us
We are worthy.

Bonding by videos:
Bread-baking
And
Trampolining.

Reading and sharing
Well-loved books.

A new candle warmer
Waits.

We love.

We wait, too.

We exist in stop-motion
Knowing
That one day
We will move
Again.

But we don't know
Can't imagine
What one day
Might look like.

Today, laundry was
Stressful and sleeping
Was hard, but
Wilbur was the  best
Watch-pig <3

We celebrated with
Carlyle -- birthday
Grilled cheese --
And watched
Vilissa be a Zoom
Panelist for a
Crip Camp chat,
So good!

We finished
Kindness and are
So excited
To read
Hunger Games
Together.

We watched a
Disney singalong
For the inner children,
Had TC,
Read books,
And then, sadly,
Our candle warmer broke :(

But that's
What friends
Are for
Apparently--
Because friends
Came through.

Today saw us
Watching the 
Most adorable
Baby kitty Polos.

Some small
Sprialing.

Sending secret
Birthday videos.

And doing so
Much grand
Discussion
Of Disuphere.

Yum.

More joined the ranks
Of TSBC.
A blog comment
Was nice to see.

Some stimulus money
But none for me.
We judged TV
Because I had time,
Because I wrote
Early!

Tomorrows the day
I'll share Disuphere
Discuss it with
Friends
Far and friends near.

Not a bad day
To be had.
No, not
So
Bad.

Opening packages -
Finding 12 million
Milks - only 2
Casualties.

Worthington candle
Smells better
In my
Imagination.

Book club
Exists now, yay!

So happy
To share
All the
Book love.

All the things
Arriving
Make me
Happy
And secure.

Like candles
And food --
Because I
Can't not
Talk about food.

And food insecurity
Is still so real.

But feeling
Better
For the moment
And that
Is something.

Frustrated and
Triggered and
Too hot and
Seeing stripes and

Feeling

Worthless.

It's okay
Nothing is
Okay.

GROCERY DELIVERY -
It's a red-letter day
Because
The food-insecurity
Monster can
Rest.

But
In its place
It has returned
Illness-anxious monster.

I like to think
That both
Are as cute as
Dragon
Is -
That both can be
Cuddled and soothed
To sleep.

Because safe actions
They happen
24-7
And we will
Be okay.

Anger bloomed
Inside
Before I even
Opened my eyes.

What use are
Diamonds
When I can't
Access food?

Without your
Judgment?
Without your
Abuse?

It's ludicrous --
The mask you
Use --

The one you once
Forced me to wear.
Acting grateful
Living there.

So immature
It's hard to measure.
I'll show you where
To shove
Your treasure.

Today, it was
Masks, Evan
Hansen.  Writing
And talking
About skin
Tearing -- not
Stretching.

Today, it was
Joan of Arcadia,
Basic candle,
Baking and
Thawing
Bread.

Today, it was
Beginning
To run low
Again.
Food insecurity
Again...

Kindness
Again.

Loving
Again.

Coping
Again.

Being
Again.

I draw the same
Thing
I have for years:

No humans,
Just sun
Setting or rising
Between mountains
Over a river
Teeming with fish.

I draw this
Because it's
"What I drew best"
Not because
I connect
With it.

I liked the colors
I liked the sameness
But I never
Drew people or
Family
At all - just
A view.

Maybe of
Peace, maybe
Of freedom?

Maybe that
Was the draw
Of my drawing
After all.

How do I love
Quarantine?
Let me count
The ways:

Lot's of time to
Rest, to read, to
Write, to be.

But I can't check
The mail without
Feeling
Covered with germs.

But we'll keep
Talking myself
Down--
All the safe actions
Existing
And enacted
By me.

Plus, the reminder:
I must
Stay alive
To spite 45.

And we've circled
Back to food
With hardly a day's
Break.

Food insecurity
Apparently
Always here
With me.

Hunger gnawing
Fear clawing
Again,
Always.

When I see you
I'm lifted.

When I write for you
I grow inches.

My height is
Measured in pride--
In your joy.

In distracting
and world-building
an alternate-reality
for us to exist in.

Together--thank God.

Question to ponder:

When won't
My poetry
Revolve
Around food?

I don't know--
Maybe never?
Since this
Shows no
Signs of
Stopping.

(Adapt, come
on, you lovely
Adapting, you --

You've got this.
This new normal
Has nothing
On you.)

The truth is:
We know this fear --
We know that it
Can happen here.

So insecure
Without access
To food we need
Such added stress.

Today, at least,
We need not worry.
We got groceries
In a hurry.

Corn from home
And more from Target.
Tell me is this
Normal yet?

Not today
But maybe soon
So even though
This virus looms

We can get our needs
And go to bed
Knowing at least
We will be fed.

Bread week:

Let's look up a recipe
To make it
Shelf-stable --
To bring
To the table.

No more
Espresso
Or carrots
Or rice cakes.
No more Snickers.

Time for some
Adaptations:
Quarantine
Style.

Day 19
Of quarantine?
Who can keep
Track anymore?

My trauma-primed
Disabled life
Has readied me
Has steadied me
For this.

Social-distancing?
Such a pro at this thing.
Tell me again
How I need to go out.

Newsflash,
I don't.
I'm safer staying in -
I've known that.

Thanks again
For dropping off
Those groceries -

(Manipulation.
Pause.  Unfreeze.)

You don't get
To cross
Our boundaries.

Keep your distance.

Staying alive
Is our act
Of resistance.