Missing

Something is lacking
And I can’t shy away from it
And I can’t keep denying it
Because without this
Without somewhere safe
Where I can come out of hiding
Where I can speak my own truth
Where I can’t disconnect
Where I can have a record
Of what I was thinking
On this day
In this moment
Without this place -
This sanctuary -
I have been floundering
I have not been aware
Or awake or
Even cared
I have been busy
I have been productive
But I haven’t been present
With myself
And I haven’t been real about my life.