Hearing

Hearing you
            Seeing you
                           Making this
                                         All about you

Makes me doubt myself
                            My memory
                                 My credibility
                                       Like hers, you might say
                                                                         It's full of holes

Because I was 12
                       Or I wasn't
Because it was fall
                       Or it wasn't
Because it happened
                       Or maybe it didn't
                                             According to you
                                                             And those like you
I remember where
  And when
   And how
     And who
         I remember how
           It hurt
            I remember the words
                The face I was faced with

I remember the denial that I cultivated
       I remember body memories
                      At 13
                               At 18
                                       At 26

I remember speaking about this
   At 36.
         So maybe waiting
             Makes me less credible
According to leaders
       To people
           In power positions.

Maybe nothing happened
         At all.

But why do I remember the words?
      The pain and pressure the no's I screamed
           The "stop" I wished for?  Why is the dismissal
                Inscribed indellibly in my not-memory, of the not-assault

When I was 12
        Or maybe not-12?