When I see you
I see the heart
Of you.

I see into you.

I see your safety
Your action
(Or inaction
As it were.)

I see it.

All of it.

I see you.

Never doubt
That I
See you.

Finding small pockets
Of joy amid pain

Amid
Uprising

And
Pandemic--

Death atop death--
Fear on top of fear.

We're here
Weary.

Unsure of
What to do.

Do we
Speak out?

(Yes.
Silence is complicity.)

So we do
What we can:

We signal boost
We educate
Fellow white people

We take breaks
To Netflix
Party

Let's get this
Adrenaline
Flowing

Laundry hanging
Going

Quarantining

Checking in
And
Knowing.

With all due respect
You have none.

I don't need
To read

About Dad
About anxiety
Or depression

I don't need
To read
You refuting

Our lived
Reality.

We know
The adoption
Jokes
Weren't called out.

You always
Thought of us
As your sisters
Because we
Were always
Your sisters--
Ever since
You were born.

So you can
Turn off
The gaslight
Now.

When we refuse
To treat humans
As humans

And instead
Treat them
As pets

Or worse--
As refuse...

We are
All complicit
In the
Dehumanization

Of those in
The nation
Who most
Need
Their humanness
Seen
And honored
And respected
And protected.

And how dare
We do less?

How dare we
Kill and abandon
The very same
People
We've sworn
To protect?

Simple Pleasures

Blackberry sage
Smell the
Newness
And the age.

Loving purple
And the vibes
Even when
We're stuck
Inside.

Restocking

Simple pleasures
Candley treasures

Lovely smells
Whistles and bells

Birthday wishes
The early kind

Mine and yours
And yours
And mine.

Smell the citrus
And the berries

Smell the frosting
And the cakies

Smell the
Blackberries
And sage

As we prepare
To turn
The page

Trigger-Warn

Months
Of excitement
Swept aside

Just
Like that
Three comments wide.

Everything
Gone--

Each ounce
Of pride.
So off-base
So outside.

Different take
For fuck's sake

Warning emergent
So neurodivergent

My trauma's up
I'm not enough
(Gaslit)
As if

You could
Ever
Be confident.

So disappear,
So fawn--
It's safer
To be on.

Dial
It all
Back.

Seal up
Every
Crack.

Away

Safety
Isn't
A guarantee.

We don't all
Have it--
It's not all free.

Love isn't given
In all situations.

We aren't all
Cherished
Or treated
With patience.

So let us feel it
Whatever
We're feeling

So that
Someday soon
We'll be closer
To healing.

Resist

I'm alive
I'm here
I thrive--

Just by
Existing
By living
I'm giving
People who
Doubt me
Who discount me
Who want me
Gone--

I give them
Pause.

They can try
All they want
To break me
To gaslight
And shake me

I won't
Go down
Without
A fight

My might
Is internal.

Home

A day marked by
Broken ties.

A day we're
Reunited.

Can't I have both?

Connections
To everyone
Who loved me

Who molded
And who
Shaped me

Out of
Institution-life
And into
A home?

Connected
To my favorite
But so far
From everything
I'd known.

I am released
Today.

I am celebrating
Today.

I am sad
Today.

I am
Everything
Especially
Today.

Pink Tree

Pink tree blossoms
Falling slowly
Down

Pink tree blossoms
Blowing all
Around.

Look
At all the pink!

Watch it
Now and think

Of all the
Beauty
That surrounds

Us
At any
Given time.

This canopy
Abounds
Around us

Yours and
Yours
And mine.

What Aftercare?

You don't care
About much
About anything
About us.

Bleeding,
Unable
To maintain
Ourselves.

It's fine
With you
Go do
That yard work.

Clearly
That takes
Precedence
Over us.

Trauma-Band

Still feeling
Still reeling
Still dealing

With the snap
With the back
Of my head

Hitting the wall
Still dealing with
All

The laughter
That happened
After

When I was
Not allowed
To feel
To be real.

Instead, I'm blamed
For my lack of focus

Reprimanded
For what
Happened

Back one day
When I was
Seven.

Unmentionable

I am angry
I am sad
But I am not
To blame
As you aim
To humiliate
Us.

We say nothing
(Even as we say
Something)
Because you
Threaten us
Betting
That you can
Keep
Us down.

But
Years later,
We're free.

We
Can take
Deep breaths
And exist
And be
Without
Shame.

Me with you
And you
With me.

Show

Hello, little tiny me
You're coping with
So much.

So much more
Than you should
Have to.

It's not your fault
That you have

Zero focus
So soon after
Being injured.

You should
Get to rest.

You shouldn't
Have to be
Handled.

And you don't.

You don't
Have to work
To be loved.

I love you
Already,
Okay?

I promise.

Wired

I don't believe
In sleeping
Apparently.

Six hours
Is my
Maximum.

Falling
Asleep
Is tough.

So envision
The hell
Out of

Viennese whirls
And cope
As you must

Tomorrow you'll get
Both tortillas
For lunch.

Subtext For Happiness

Happy for heat
(That we don't have.)

Happy for basics
(But why, though?)

Happy to be happy
(No subtext necessary.)

But for so little
Where is my worth?

Am I worth it
To me?

Do I have
More

To be glad for
Than this?

We'll see...

Wait
And see...

Lip-Service

Pretending
You care
Does nothing.

Fake allyship
Helps no one
But you.

Because you
Get to
Pat yourself

On the back
For your great
Inaction.

You want to
Complain to us.

Feign concern
At privacy
Made detritus.

But you
Cannot be moved
To act.

Your image
Must remain
Intact.

Get off our backs--
Stop expecting
Our labor.

Stop
Making
Yourself
A savior.

Cushion

The reassurance
Of a little
Financial
Padding
Is helping.

Especially
When the
Current
Practice
Is
Price-gouging
For basics.

Finding safety --
Even a little,
Even
Temporarily --

Is a welcome
Change
To the
Challenges
We face.

Peacemaker

Focus on others--
Others,
Not me.

Find peace
Somewhere.

Disconnecting,
Floating,
Coasting.

This is how I cope,
How I move,
How I am.

I am moving
Out of the
Realm of
Unhealthiness--

Inching
Slowly
Through
Average--

Barely
Touching
Healthy.

It is within
My grasp.
So I will try
To pay attention--

To move
And feel
Somehow
Again.

Groove

When the words
Flow free

I feel
Like me.

The most me
That ever me'd.

It's relief --
It's everything
I need.

Free Pass

I am gaslit
Now and then
Fictional moms
(Both real and pretend.)

I see them
Escaping
Any
Responsibility

Any
Accountability
Because
They are mothers.

Because
We don't matter.
Because of
A thousand reasons.

Time and
Time and
Time again

Nondisabled people
Feeling good
Matters more
Than our personhood.

More
Than our safety
So hasty
To dismiss us.

Invisible--
Who sees us?

Feeling Myself

Feeling myself
Growing
A little
At a time

Knowing
It's time
To be gentle
And kind

Because
Trauma and cold
Make processing
Slow

It doesn't
Make me less
Or worthy of
Woe.

It will be okay
We'll come out intact.
Loving ourselves
Is a radical act.

Detect Me

Connect
One feeling
To another--

Present to
Past--
You to me.

Connect
The neglect
I experienced

At your hands
To the hunger
And the shame

I'll always feel.
If I had my fill
I would not still

Crave
What you never
Gave.

I might meet
My own needs
Instead of

Hating myself
For having needs
At all.

See me.

Pay attention.

I am not
Just
Your invention.

Writing Feelings

Do this
Be this
Be what you
Can never be

Because
You can't
Change
Yourself.

You're stuck
Feeling
Like you suck.
Like nothing

You do
Is enough
Like you
Aren't enough.

If I am not
Pleasing you
Then am I
Not worthy?

Not lovable?
Not anything?
Who can fill
This gaping space

Inside
With grace

So shame
Won't always
Take its place?

Zero Anesthesia Awareness

I am alone
I am torture
I am pain

I am a scar
Longer
Than I am wide

I am tiny
I am unmoving
But I am feeling
Everything.

And where are you?

You are home
Getting an update
That I lived.

I should still
Be inside you
Safe.

But instead I
Am cut open
While awake

While aware
Three times
In four months.

I want a do-over
I want grown-ups
Who gave a damn

Who were there
To comfort me
Who know

I am human.

Dream of Snow

I walked through
Snowy streets --
Saw costumed
Humans.

Moved under
Arctic arches.
Listened to
Choral somethings

Crooning.  Tuning.
As we were moving
Through this
Dreamscape

This future-memory
We held
Catching snowflakes
Marching

Singing
Eating candy
And enjoying...

Hopefully
We can be

Walking around
And singing
Together
Soon.

Basics

Being seen
And respected
And validated
Is so rare
For us

That we
Appreciate it
Extra.

We are extra
Thankful,
Grateful,
We grovel
Over basics

Because we
Are taught
That if
We do not

They might
Be yanked
From us
Without
Warning.

Feed Yourself

Nourishment
In this era
Of fear
And vulnerability
Is so vital.

So let's fulfill our
Basic needs
For actual food --
And also for
What feeds
Our souls --
What supports
Our emotional
Growth.

Let's let the
Examples of
Humanity
Not go
Unacknowledged
Or
Ignored.

Feed yourself
And feel
Your stuff
And know
You are
Enough.

Emotional Example

Words may fail

But your

Ample

Example

Does not.

Your honesty

Vulnerability

Your realness

Your transparency

Those things 

Show

And shine

And rise.

And you lead

And you teach

How to be human --

How to feel everything --

Grief at the brevity

Of this greatest thing.

You felt it.

And we see you.

Creating community --

Routine, structure,

Safety --

In the midst 

Of this darkness

Lurking at life's

Edges.

Drink the coffee,

Leave the

Dregs.

Spending so much
Dough
To essentially
Make
More
Dough.

This is
The irony
Of quarantine.